IN the bible, Goliath challenges the Israelites to single combat to determine the outcome of the war. Goliath is, of course, a mountain of a man. Nine feet tall, the very height of historic warriors. He challenges the Israelites to single combat for 40 days, they cower in fear, etc. The Israelites are told that "The king will greatly enrich the man who kills him and will give him his daughter and make his family free in Israel" (I Samuel 17:25-26). David walks up and hits him with a rock from a distance. David and Goliath is now the basis for an entire subsystem of morality. This feels insane.

First of all, single combat is an excellent way of settling a war. Especially compared to what war actually is. Which at the time was mostly just peasants getting murdered by people with actual weaponry. Actually, cut the "at the time." It's always been peasants getting murdered by those with actual weaponry. Goliath, in offering single combat, is clearly doing something beneficial.

Second, Goliath isn't even the underdog in the story! Sure, David is a sheep farmer and Goliath is a nine-foot-tall professional warrior, but David has an omnipotent god on his side. It isn't even fair. Also, ranged weaponry is just superior.

Third, why do we give a shit about the underdog. It's a perversion of excellence and leads to so. much. bullshit. There are countless examples of obviously superior sports teams claiming to be "doubted". It drives me insane every time I hear it. I don't care if it's motivating, it's just lying to fit yourself into an ancient narrative that didn't even make sense in the first place. David's only the hero because of the side he's on! If Goliath had been an Israelite this would've been a tragedy.

Look, am I massively misunderstanding the foundational text of many major religions? Yes. Will I die inside next time the NBA champions talk about how no one believed in them? Definitely. Guys, you're seven feet tall, embrace Goliath a little. God knows, he also had issues finding shoes that fit.